Being "The Other"

Today I tried something new. I went to the Abracadabra Club at the BYU Clubs night. I had never been there before or even done any kind of magic before. I have barely even been exposed to it or been around people who do that kind of stuff.  I definitely experienced to some extent feeling like "the other" or different from all the other people there. I was the only person there who was not experienced in magic, most people that I talked to had been doing it for 10 or more years.

The environment was a small group of people (5-10). They all seemed like they knew each other very well and that it is the same group of people there each week, and I was the new one. By the end I found out they even have "no magic nights" where everyone in the club will go hang out and do something fun but no one is allowed to bring magic so that way they can bond and have a break from it where they can really get to know each other. I thought that was an interesting idea. It was so foreign to me that they would even have to make that rule that it is not allowed, which means it was that much of a problem.

When I got there they were all talking about tricks and then one person who was "featured" that week, taught us all how to do a coin trick. The others already knew the basic ways to handle the coins so I felt behind and embarrassed that I couldn't keep up.

Observation

When I walked into the room, the people all kinda stopped and looked at me and hesitated before they said hi. It was maybe only a few seconds but when you are standing there and everyone is looking you up and down then it seems a lot longer and you are wanting it so bad to be over. I also noticed some lingo that they were speaking that I had no idea what it meant. I also noticed a kind of culture that seemed a little proud and secretive. This may be a mis-judgement but this is my observation. 

Interpretation

They were wondering who I was, why I was there, and if I was like them. They were probably wondering if I had experience with magic or if I was good. They were probably surprised to see a new person because I got the vibe that it was the same group of people there each week. Many of the people there would not answer my questions on how to do the tricks because they didn't want others to know the secrets to their tricks. They also didn't like it when I asked to many questions. I think the reason they didn't want me asking was because that is part of the culture and not telling the secrets.

Feelings 

I felt a little uncomfortable and I was wondering if I was going to like it there and how the people were going to treat me.
I felt that I needed to defend myself. I would keep talking a lot explaining how it is my first time doing magic and that is why I am not good and I am not following along with the instructions. The culture of not asking questions made me feel really bad, because I didn't know what else to do. If I feel uncomfortable and wasn't sure what to do I naturally wanted to ask lots of questions but sometimes they were frowned upon or dismissed. 

How did you feel about being the other?

I felt a little behind and a little embarrassed but I didn't feel too bad. However, I am generally comfortable and confident in social settings. I did feel that I didn't belong, and even though I wasn't miserable I wasn't really enjoying the time and I was wondering when it was going to be over. I felt a mix of feelings. I did feel welcome because the people were being nice to me and saying that I was welcome there but I also noticed vibes and signals that I was not on the mark and doing things that are not on with the culture. 

How did you cope with your otherness?

I coped by laughing and joking. I felt like I was so bad compared to everyone else and I couldn't hide the coins as well as the rest so I wasn't able to do the tricks. I would just talk about how bad I was and laugh at myself to try to hide my feelings of inadequacy. This is a typical way for me to cope and I didn't realize this until after this experience and then I was able to apply it to other aspects of my life which was very discovering. 

What are implications for students in your class who are experiencing school as a foreign place?

Students who feel behind in class may laugh or joke about their inadequacy, but I can reassure them that they can do it, and make sure that they know it is normal if they have no prior knowledge about a new topic and encourage them. They may be extra sensitive to things that we would never imagine could be hurtful. I have noticed that when you are already feeling bad and out of place little things can hurt you that normally wouldn't because it all builds up and seems like a lot bigger deal when you are already sensitive. 

Cultural Artifacts:

here is a picture of one of the members teaching me how to do a card trick, along with a video of one of the guys explaining a trick.